And now. Upon waking, it seems as if some devilish brute elf was at work in the dark. You Must be kidding! Isn’t this just a bad dream? Oh, PUH-LEEESE! Somebody pinch me!

Dirty dishes overflow the sink, trying to escape the eventual drowning in hot soapy water. Fuzzy stuff and bits of leaf on the carpet. Ring around the tub along with dried toothpaste in the sink. Didn’t I JUST mop the kitchen floor? When did we put the jar of spaghetti sauce in the refrigerator? Surely not long ago enough to breed what is also in the jar. ENOUGH!

It is a scientifically proven fact that mess multiplies in the dark. In some cases, however, it happens so completely and so quickly that it can only be ascribed to the work of the DEVILISH BRUTE ELF.

Tonight I am setting out the motion activated cameras to try to catch this creature in the act. But first, where are the rubber gloves and disinfectant?!

Long slender fingers with long nails. Perhaps a pianist or flautist in bud stage. Little shell ears; reprieve from the famiy curse. Sweet little baby wrapped in flowered jammies and plush pink blankets.

She looks just like her mama.

Empty cans grouped in sticky clusters. Walkway with cleaned brushes drying in the morning sun. Paint roller the diameter of a half dollar on a wand six feet long. Taupe, deep red, lemon yellow, white and chrome.

Splintered wood, bent nails, mounds of dirt; new fence. Soiled rugs peeled and rolled; dumpster roiling.

“FOR RENT”

A few months later, a tumor in my neck needed to be removed. The surgeon spent four hours to complete an estimated ninety minute surgical prodecure removing a fibrous growth wrapped around my vocal chords. I was told that the only side affect I might suffer as a result would be the inability to sing.

Fearful that I might never sing again, I bought an accompaniment tape of a medley including this song. I was drawn to the beautiful instrumental arrangement. Daily I would sing with this tape; soon for hours. I had to read the words… I was unable to understand or memorize them. The neurologist could not reassure me that I would ever recover.

Now, years later, I can truly say that everything I am and can do is a result of my precious Lord’s tenderness and mercy. He healed me and gave me back my life and my voice.

He also gave me this song so that I would always remember.

Just as I am without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee
O Lamb of God, I come
I come

The two of you were already there and seated. I went into the bathroom and freshened my makeup, brushed my hair, pulled down my shirt and sucked in my stomach. Don’t show any emotion; you can always get up and leave, I told myself as the hostess walked me back to the table.

Not able to face you, I turned to her. “Hi,” I said. Glancing at you, I saw a profound sadness behind your eyes. A lot had happened since I had last seen you. You were a different man… very different. We said hello’s as I sat down and ordered a drink from the waitress.

As the evening went on, we renewed our friendship. Soon we were talking as though we had seen each other just yesterday. We tried to include her in our conversation, but we had known each other for fourteen years before we “lost touch” and there was a lot to catch up on. Finally it was time to go.

You and I walked out to the parking lot. I unlocked the car door and turned around to say goodbye. There you were. Slowly you came closer and gave me a soft sweet kiss. I melted. Oh!! No!! I had done everything that I could to try to teach my boyfriend to kiss like that. All this time, I had been trying to recapture Your kiss.

It was that kiss that told me how much I truly loved you. First kiss of a sort. We’ve been married now for eleven years. Still the best kisser ever!

I rose from my blanket and quietly tip-toed into the next room, stepping around the sleeping bodies on the floor. Silent; invisible. Someone moved and I froze. Wait… wait… Again I stepped without a sound until I reached the front door and slowly turned the knob. Pausing a moment before opening it, I stepped outdoors.

The night was a thick wash of fog. The far flung light from the street lamp was suspended in the air around me, a heavy yellowish presence. Immobile. Waiting. I could hear hushed sounds from somewhere on the far side of the dank mist. Surrounded by the smell of the ocean and drifting fog, I was shielded from the rest of the world. I could neither see nor be seen. No prying eyes. No questions.

Walking to the front sidewalk I turned left and paused. Looking briefly around and listening, I could not detect any movement close by. No breathing. No witness. No one. Satisfied, I continued down the concrete walkway into the diminishing light.

The highway stretched out like a slate grey ribbon disappearing into the horizon. The sun was behind the hills now and darkness was deepening. The enclosed cab seemed large and a sleeping compartment came alive behind my head. I could not see anyone in it. The driver was a smallish man. I thought I could probably wrestle him down and escape if I had to. I hoped with everything in me that I would arrive alive and unmolested. The truck was already moving at a pretty good pace and jumping out was not an option. Betrayed, I endured as the mileage to Los Angeles became less and less. Hugging the passenger door and making poor conversation, my hand rested close to the handle.

* * * * * * *

In Hollywood we stayed at the Taft Hotel. Hermine Ginghold lived at the Taft but we never ran into her while we were there. It was comforting to know that the maid making up our bed each day was the same one that made Hermine’s bed. She probably used the same vacuum in her apartment, too. We had arrived.

I had a couple of dollars so I bought several issues of the Berkeley Barb because it was the coolest newspaper around. The sun shone fiercely as I peddled my papers. Bare feet became black and rough from slapping burning sidewalks and crossing the smog choked boulevard. The sidewalks went on forever. I counted the squares from corner to corner. My feet turned to sandpaper and were permanently stained.

I read all of the stars on the boulevard with fascination. Some names were deserving, I thought, and some names were there for no reason that I could imagine. Can you buy a star on the sidewalk? Wasn’t a famous actress spotted at a drug store lunch counter at Hollywood and Vine? I searched for the location. Hollywood and Vine was singularly unremarkable. No drug store with a lunch counter remained to bear my scrutiny. I guessed I wouldn’t be discovered.

We stayed at the Taft until they locked us out… and we were back on the sidewalk with no roof at night. We left Hollywood to go find our friend in Venice.

For the month following Pop’s demise, my body held me captive with a hideous flu for sixteen days followed by two mobility accidents where I wound up on crutches, remaining so even today. Being the oldest of my generation, I have become the matriarch of our branch of the family by default. It is odd but known to be a probable eventually. Nonetheless, unwelcome and settling at the same time.

For the past few days there is a sadness that eludes description. I guess numb is beginning to wear off. I loved my Pop so much (despite his brutality to Ma) that I am flayed raw by his leaving. My Ma was my very best friend. Do not know when I can approach normal. (What IS normal anyway?) I only know that my world is coloured by glasses dark with loss and grief.

I beg understanding and patience from all of you incredibly precious family members while I get my sea legs. I know they are on the way but I cannot predict when they wlll arrive for good as they come and go at present.

Kisses,
Melodi

P.S.
More than just a post script is my gratefulness and sympathy for my Alvin and his incredibly beautiful wife. In closest proximity, they have taken on (for years) the care of our parents. I cannot express my indebtedness for your accountability and willingness to be there for them both. Our Lord will hear of your love and self sacrafice as I will surely testify.

Much Love,
Sister

Do it for HOURS with the wind whipping through your hair and feeling FREEEE FREEEE!!

Then someone parked across the sidewalk just out of sight from where you turn at the dead end. Either crash and fly over the top of the car or try to turn going much too fast.

Things got very dark, people were talking very far away. They put a blanket over me until the ambulance got there. My leg feels like the letter “S.” One shoe was several houses away. No one ever found the other shoe.

The absolute worst part was when I got to the hospital and they had to CUT OFF MY FAVORITE SHORTS!!! BUMMER!!!

It wakes with me most mornings and
It rears its ugly head
I medicate and dose it
while it pins me to the bed

It likes to sit upon my neck
and twist my shoulder blades
It kicks and bites each tender leg
Throws punches to my brain

It jabs the knife in sleepless eyes
and buzzes in each ear
I want the medicine to work
It laughs at me and leers

My hands are tight and swollen
and my fingers work no more
It pinches bones inside my feet
as they hit the floor

I stumble to the bathroom
holding walls as I do creep
I reach again for aspirin
drink water cold and deep

Regrouping in the blankets
to close my tired eyes
I twist and turn in darkness
while I pray for its demise

And wait again to sleep
And wait for blessed sleep