The Pontificators

The other night I dreamed that I was looking for some different community sports and music programs to sign my son up for.  For some reason I decided the YMCA was the place to do this, so I went down to ask them about it.

The YMCA was located at the bottom of this long trench-like hill with a steep switchback driveway lined with a jungle of thick trees.  Up on the street the noise was very oppressive, but once I slipped down that driveway the foliage protected me from the intense sensory overload of afternoon traffic.

I was also sheltered from most of the daylight.  It was cool and breezy, and the sudden quiet was almost eerie.

I trudged down the drive and headed into the building.  Like the switchback jungle, their hallways were cold, dark, long and dreadfully quiet.  After what seemed like miles of walking, I made it to the receptionist’s desk and began asking her for the children’s fall sports schedule.  Cheerfully she answered my questions, but as she finished showing me how to sign up, another woman eased out of some back office door.  Instantly it felt a good twelve degrees cooler in the room, and the receptionist’s perkiness withered in the chill.

Just then I remembered I also wanted to ask about music programs, so I quickly did so–I admit, I did so quietly, with one eye on the snow lady.  The receptionist glanced over her shoulder at the woman and suggested I ask her instead.  Great, I thought.  So I approached snow lady and asked her.

Snow lady rounded on me, and with an expression born of pure hatred she chucked a book right at my face!  I dodged and caught it, looked down, and saw that she had lobbed the entire unabridged Webster’s Dictionary my way!  I looked back in astonishment and snow lady cried, “Why don’t you look it up!”

At this point, I knew it could only be one thing.  A conspiracy.

Little did snow lady know, she was only dealing with my mild mannered alter ego.  And the last thing she suspected was the fact that I was really… Batman!

I went home in a bad mood, and waited for the sun to put itself out–because everyone knows Batman only works at night.  Then I donned my disguise, gathered my utensils and my wits, and went to solve the case I had deemed The YMCA Conspiracy.

I sneaked back down the jungle switch back driveway and used my lock picking tools to get inside the facility, at which point there was a lot of skulking around, trying to maneuver locker room showers without getting wet, and getting roped into some maintenance work by the janitor.  I also met a group of orphan kids who were also dressed up as super heroes.  Turned out they just did this as a hobby.  I never did solve the YMCA conspiracy, but the orphan kids were nice.  They let me come up in the attic with them and hang out while they played Halo.

Oh, and by the way, I did make it through the locker room showers without getting wet.  That’s right.  I’m badass.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 at 12:36 am and is filed under Charlie, Dreams. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.