Today I read a piece in my local paper about community reactions to the “Day of Silence” event in schools. For those of you who missed hearing about it, it’s an event where students are silent for a day (except when called on by a teacher), in support of gay students who keep silent and hide who they are for fear of harassment. It’s an expression of support, and is intended neither to proselytize nor to disrupt. Once again, those who are against fair and equal treatment for gays used the argument that gay people are demanding special consideration for a lifestyle choice, and they should just get over it. They should stop being wrong and start being some other way, like good normal people.
There’s just one thing, though: my daughter is gay.
She was raised in a Christian home by two married heterosexual parents who were far from perfect, but who loved her, tried hard, and had good intentions. She was tucked in, read to, tickled, prayed with, prayed over, and taken to church. When she came out to me, she told me that she was gay before she knew what the term meant. Her natural attraction was to people of her own gender, and had been since before she was any kind of crazy — boy-crazy, girl-crazy, whatever.
She tells me that her same-gender orientation is part of who she is, not a choice, and I believe her without reservation. I have an inkling of what this has cost her and how difficult it has made her life. I don’t think she would want to stick with it if it was something she was merely choosing.
What do I want for my daughter? I want what every parent wants: I want her to be happy and love her life; I want her to find someone who loves her and wants to share everything with her. Who that person will be is something only she can know. I could no more choose that person’s gender than I could choose their name. And why would I even want to?
My mom taught me to stand up for what’s right. Mom’s gone now, but that part of her is strong in me, and I have tried to pass it on to my kids. They do a good job of it, even when — especially when — they are standing up to me. So I can’t be anything but proud of her as I watch the grace and determination she brings to dealing with the world’s reaction to this part of her, even as she is tackling so many other big changes in her life.
For some people, the gay rights issue is about whiners who want special treatment for an unpopular and unpleasant hobby. It may be that simple to you, but my life, my love, and my daughter have taught me differently. So when you talk about “gays” as if they were all one thing, and all wrong, please choose your words carefully and speak with respect. Because this is my daughter you are talking about, and I will take it personally.
Tags: daughter, Day of Silence, gay, Silent no more
I had not actually heard of this “Day of Silence” but I wish I had. This is my favorite post by you, Duke. It is real, and honest, and true, and I love every word of it. I also quite love your daughters.
This was a hit to the chest, and a pleasure, to read. Please post more.
Love,
Naomi
This is a great piece of you, Duke. It’s very honest and expressive. I really feel where you’re coming from, and I agree. Generalizing people as groups has never been right, and I cringe every time someone does it. The second to the last paragraph is my favorite. There is so much love and pride in this paragraph, I just love it.